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Everyone has a goal that they wish to obtain. Some goals are set as tall as Mt. Everest. Others are as deep as the Pacific Ocean. Having these goals are great because we become focused on what it is that we want to do and accomplish. Sadly the mentality of wanting it to happen overnight clouds our thoughts and easily frustrates us. Trust me I am not saying we shouldn’t have such goals but what I am saying is all of this takes time. Everything is hard work no matter how you see it. To get a certain amount of page views that requires an article a day. Just like for artists we gain followers by drawing something every week or so. Making that stunning web page so people can know you? Took a lot of research and effort. We all know many Greats in various fields which in turn should be our inspiration. We have to understand these very people did so much to get where they are today. I am told it is not the end result that matters but the journey. When that Journey ends choose another and continue walking and trailblazing ahead. You have to put in over 100% to get what you want and to be there. So look at your goals again and pick one you really want. Begin that path and never give up. If it is not for you put that one down and go to the next one. You will succeed in something and get that feeling of fresh accomplishment!
But the me inside was not the me outside.
As I made my coffee this morning I rubbed my head wondering how I accumulated so much financial stress.
My lover kissed me on the cheek and asked if I was alright. “Yeah I’m fine.” I said with a smile.
The me inside is disagreeing with the me outside.
I eat my breakfast in order to be strong for school.
My brother plays with my pigtails. My sister teases me but I love my family.
I smile and say, “Daddy be okay.” and continue eating.
The me on the inside is pure like the outside.
My sister so happy and lucky
I hate the life of a child as they see nothing wrong.
My family is odd and yet I accept it despite the world not liking it.
Broken households and messed up decisions as if I am the cause of it.
“Ready for school?” I was asked yet I made no response as I grabbed my bag to go.
The me on the inside shuns everyone on the outside.
So my brother is a dick and my sister is just small and innocent.
Parents always stressing and denying me what I want.
Pout all day but nothing happens. Ask for money but I have to end up taking it anyways.
Why is it I have this side no one seems to understand?
“Let’s just go already.” I said in an annoyed tone.
The me on the outside was nothing like me on the inside.
My life is just perfect in every shape or form
Nothing goes wrong I am spoiled at my calling
What more do I need besides whatever I don’t have.
Beauty of the world,
Glamorous word invented just for me
I am what people want to be and despite having everything…
I feel so empty and alone
Oh well smile on as they say the world is my stage
The me of beauty on the outside is nothing like the me on the inside
I dislike the way the world stereotypes me because of my race
They group me with everyone else
Yet all I dislike I am getting
Do I truly dislike these things?
What am I doing? Who am I right now?
I am doing this to fit in or is this me?
Me inside is confused with the me outside.
People always asking me if I am fine.
I dislike repeating myself
Day to day living is a constant grind
Why am I even living at all?
Great…another question which is always the same.
“I’m fine” I reply without looking at the person who asked.
This has become meaningless..
The me on the inside is trapped by the me on the outside.
I want to scream and shout but I feel trapped in a box that seems small like me.
This bubble society has created about me and my family. Just because others like me do things doesn’t mean I do them too.
So much anger and hatred I don’t know what to do.
Listening to the influences has confused me I just want to break free.
This personal bubble has become my suffocating death machine.
My materialistic ways have corrupted my hands.
But I clasp them tightly anyways as I continue to harm someone close to me.
What happened to my innocence my pureness of life.
Stress, frustrations this has all accumulated over time and yet no one seems to care.
Why must I be in this position why am I here?
This is not me
This is not who I am
This is not what I want to be portrayed among the wolves of this concrete land.
Even if I dig deep no one would care
the world would shun me and hate me
Why am I so different?
I just go with the flow of things.
I am screaming, I am crying
I am in so much pain.
This is not me at all how can I even show who I am in this blandless place?
All of a sudden in my darkest point of life.
In the corner I see my youngest self crying, afraid and scared.
Is this me? It can’t be…
Yet tears roll down my cheeks just like theirs.
Such a tiny voice and yet I feel compelled to help.
“I can’t hear you..” Is all I say in a soft voice.
“Speak louder.” I say in a normal tone but the tears don’t stop until I reach my younger reflection and wipe them away.
“You were me. Happy and carefree.
But something happened along the way. I don’t know why.
You shut me out and let them in. Is this what it means the world is a cruel place?
We lost a lot along the way and gained a few yet you are sad and lonely only I understand you.
Will you let me back in? Will you let me be? Who cares what they say about you because you are not a bully.
Yes sometimes I don’t know any better but I have to learn. Once my parents are gone there is no one to hold my hand.
I have to get up and stand and be me. The flow doesn’t make me love on cue or tells me that I am doomed without having the clothes it shows.
I want to be me. I want to be happy but you have to let me return here so we can walk together.”
My heart ached and my tears had slowed.
This fraction of me struck quite a cord.
I look at my hand and sigh,
“The me inside is nothing like the me outside.” I say in a low voice as a small hand touches my heart once more.
“Then lets change it together and make it one once more.”
Over time I changed
Found friends who accepted me and helped me fight my loneliness deep within.
I never knew so much joy could lay there deep inside.
I am now touching and healing others
The me on the inside was shining through to the me on the outside.
I have pride in what I am mixed with
despite the way society views me due to what I am
I tell people I am me and proud of what I am doing.
I am changing peoples views of society into having them only look at me.
I am a person, an individual who does their own thing.
I can not correct all the wrongs of society but I can sure try.
Tutoring and helping out where ever I can
Creating a positive light
Finally the me inside is breaking through to the me outside.
My perfect world was shattered yet I have no clue what to do
I am scared I lost many things I felt were important to me.
What is going on?
I look around and finally have a break through when someone comes into my life.
Someone so loving and kind.
Money…we need to survive?
I think I get it now.
I want to see the world for what it is not what I was tossed into.
Show me how things are so I am no longer blind.
The me on the outside is finally learning about the me on the inside.
My mind is twisted and yet I was influenced.
It almost cost me a ticket to the slammer.
Something needs to change before I get worse.
Help is there.
Looking for more to understand my problems.
Now I finally see light.
This takes a lot of time
Takes patience to tear down these walls and become better.
I am no longer causing harm but changing to become a light for others.
Me me of light on the outside is finally shining through to the me on the inside.
Whatever was how I always responded.
I cared about nothing but me since I am important.
I suddenly lose a part of me I never knew I cared about.
Maybe it was deep inside I never noticed it before.
After the loss I finally realize I was being selfish.
A wake up call before I destroy myself and others around me.
I need to learn and change.
This burning desire is new to me.
The caring me on the inside is seeping through to the outside.
Stress piles up and so does the problems from before.
As I wake up I realize I am in a hospital bed counting my blessings.
“Stress nearly killed him.” was all I heard and that is not what I need.
Months of meds and rehab I decide on a change.
To hell with this stress and society’s gridlock of pain.
I look at other outlets and decide to do a dream.
It is a slow and strenuous climb but we will survive. The me today is finally laughing and smiling happy and free
The me on the inside is finally me on the outside.
So tired of the lies and of the fake identity
I no longer know what to do or why everything is horribly wrong.
What is this I fear?
But this light has come to me. It’s so warm and loving.
I truly love what I have and everything in my life.
Just have a few bumps in my road that seem to bother me.
Relax, lets talk it out.
I work on each problem one by one as they come along.
Things progress to be easier the more I face them.
The me on the inside has finally relaxed the me on the outside.
The child of the inside
No longer in the shadows
No longer crying in the corner
No longer in pain
Is now smiling in my serene paradise
Very happy, filled with warmth and joy
With a clear voice I hear,
“You came to see me and changed completely.
Finally the Me on the inside is shining brightly through to the me on the outside.”
By: Mystic Flamer
We Heart Art 